The One Where She Moves Across the Country
So, I moved across the country. Literally.
I have had a vision of my life for many years, and staying in Jacksonville was never a part of that vision. I have always felt like I was meant for bigger in this world, like I have a big purpose to fulfill. I also knew that staying in Florida would never allow me to reach the highest version of myself. In a way, I knew the happy, confident, best version of me was already living somewhere else in the world. I just needed to convince my mind that I would be okay if I followed this dream. My friends wouldn’t forget me, my family wouldn’t hate me, it wouldn’t fall apart, etc.
So, I put my house on the market, sold a majority of my belongings, and packed what I could in my SUV and my dog in the passenger seat and drove to Utah to start the new life I have craved for so long.
I often hear “your dad would be so proud of you.” and while I know he would, I also know that this version of me wouldn’t exist if he was still with me. It’s the ultimate catch 22. I was my dad’s girl - his shadow, his twin flame. I would never have left him in pursuit of this dream because I had this vision of him loving my babies and picking them up from school for chicken nuggets and dairy queen like we did so often. I probably would have bought land across the street from my parents and lived this normal life and always been secretly wishing for more out of my life. When he was called home, I knew that the second part of my life was going to begin. I just needed the courage to get my feet off the ground and go.
The road trip from Florida to Utah was big for me, but I knew I was capable of doing it solo and being just fine. I actually never doubted myself even though a ton of people were worried about this journey. My parents taught me how to navigate this world well - from my mom giving me the independence to bloom, to my dad teaching me how to travel well. It was close to 3,000 miles of traveling over 6 days - just me and Nova. I took it day by day, literally. I booked my lodging and stopping point at the end of each day. That is outside of my comfort zone. When it comes to travel, I’m type A. I like everything planned out. I like to know what I am doing and where I’m sleeping, etc. Maybe I blacked out and let someone else to this drive for me? haha! Whatever it is, I’m so glad I did it the way I did.
8 state lines crossed - Georgia, Tennessee, Illinois, Iowa, South Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Utah.
Feelings felt along the way - confidence, scared, thoughts of “holy shit I did this”, happy, guilt.
Regrets felt: zero.
Tabitha Brown posted a reel that explained the difference between God’s callling for your life, and just a silly thought. She said, “if it’s God’s voice then it won’t ever leave your mind.” That is how I knew that this was my life path. I’ve consistently thought about leaving my hometown since I was 18 years old applying for college. This story had already been written and trusting the process and the timing of my life is what I had to do to get to the other side.
Don’t let my bravery fool you - this was hard. I left behind everything and everyone I know. That’s three decades of memories. I will miss my nephews and niece. I won’t be 30 minutes down the road, or be able to just pick them up from school because I could. I’ll miss dance recitals and t-ball games, and first days of school. I have to lean on my own self to get through simple tasks like building furniture and taking the trash out and figuring out where my mail goes or how to change my driver’s license over. In the grand scheme of things, none of that acually matters because my love for the littles won’t go away. I’ll learn to be a long distance Aunt and they’ll receive packages from me on a random Tuesday because I saw something that reminded me of them. I’ll be the cool Aunt that flies to them and takes them on magical trips to Disney World. I’ll be the positive influence in their life that taught them to be courageous and brave and confident in their choices. Our time together will be more special because it doesn’t come around often. I will learn how to build the furniture (or be nice to someone long enough for them to do it for me, haha) My routine will fall into place and I’ll know trash days and who my mailperson is. I’ll learn to drive in the snow and pick up new hobbies and sip coffee at new local shops and have a new favorite taco spot. Don’t mind me, I’m just on my pursuit of happiness!
If you have a goal or a feeling that you are not where you should be, no matter the situation, I hope you have the courage to go fiercely after the life you crave. This is it. This is all we get. There is no next life. It’s just this one. You have to be relentless and a little selfish and listen to a lot of “you won’t do that.” to get you where you are meant to be in this beautiful life. Surrender to happiness. Choose yourself. You will never regret it.